


Sustenance

by dothraki_shieldmaiden



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Blood, Bloodplay, Cutting, Durincest, M/M, Porn With Plot, Sibling Incest, Vamp!Kíli
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:59:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dothraki_shieldmaiden/pseuds/dothraki_shieldmaiden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili is attacked on an ill-fated hunting trip with his brother, resulting in his being turned into a vampire. He and Fili have to find ways to manage his hunger for his brother's blood--which may result in finally admitting their feelings for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sustenance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittlestSecret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlestSecret/gifts).



> First of all, I blame LittlestSecret for this, both with her awesome vamp!Kili fanart and her awesome vamp!Kili fic.  
> So yes, all her fault, for sparking the idea and then encouraging me to write it. 
> 
> Also, this was supposed to be a one-shot, but I accidentally plotted and well...Have a two-parter. Those of you looking for sexy vampire smut...it'll be in the next part, PROMISE.
> 
> Until then, enjoy.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

It had been Fili who had found the body.

                It was supposed to be a routine hunting trip. They’d made the same journey dozens of times before with no problems. Even Thorin had no issue with them leaving the comforts of the mountain for a week of hunting. Fili had grown to relish those times when he was free of the heavy eyes of the whole of their society with no one else other than his brother for company. Kili is the best companion he could wish for, his natural light-heartedness providing constant entertainment.

                And if Fili were to be completely honest with himself, he would say that he enjoyed the solitude of these trips, hoarding his brother’s company. He held the nights close to his chest, trying to imprint the feel of Kili’s body pressed against him in sleep to his memory. Kili came into his own on these trips and Fili adored watching him. Out in the wilds, it was easier to shove the thoughts of how improper his secret desires were, how he was doomed to live with an unrequited love, and just enjoy Kili.

                It had all gone horribly wrong one night when Fili had ventured away from the campfire to relieve himself. He’d just finished tucking himself in and relacing his breeches when he heard Kili’s voice, sharp with surprise. He’d burst into the light shed from the campfire, just in time to see Kili engulfed in a dark cloud. He’d screamed in horror and rage and rushed forward, his hands fumbling with the scabbards for his swords, but he’d run into what felt like an invisible wall. Knocked backwards so hard that he bit into the flesh of his lip, Fili sat up and spat blood as he desperately scanned for any hint of where his little brother had gone.

                There was nothing, save Kili’s silver hair clip, to mark his brother’s whereabouts.

                Fili had spent the rest of the night screaming Kili’s name in the dark tangle of the forest. His left hand held a flickering torch while his right brandished a sword, which he used to hack away at any shrubbery which threatened to obscure his path. The wilderness had simply echoed his cries back to him, mocking him with its emptiness. Once he thought he’d heard Kili’s voice scream, his little brother’s voice high and terrified, wailing what sounded like the beginning of his name before it was abruptly silenced.

                _“KILI!”_ Fili roared, stumbling through the undergrowth and tree roots towards where he guessed Kili’s screams had come from. He’d not found any traces of anything living.

                By daybreak he was hopelessly lost and turned around and still bereft of Kili. He’d not given up the search, the stubbornness of his line telling him that Kili still waited for his help. He’d gone without any rest, knowing that if their positions were reversed that Kili would do the same for him.

                Night fell once more and he still had no idea where Kili might have been. He was frantic with terror and falling over himself with exhaustion but he still could not give up. Not when Kili needed him.

                A dark corner of his mind whispered that this was his fault, that if he’d never left Kili alone then he would still have his brother, whole and safe beside him. A darker shadow still insinuated that Kili’s disappearance was brought on by his own foul thoughts about his little brother, thoughts that he never should have had…

                “Kili!” he screamed into the night, his throat hoarse and shredded.

                He stumbled over an upstanding tree root and fell on his palms, cursing as he felt the skin split underneath the harsh ground. He looked up before he wiped his torn hand on his pants and that’s when he saw it.

                A small, dark lump lying at the foot of one of the large trees.

                “No, no, no, _no, please Mahal, no,”_ Fili breathed, dizzy with terror as he half-ran, half-crawled forward. “Oh gods please no…”

                He reached for the body with hands that trembled like reverberations of a hammer stroke on an anvil. It was in vain—he already knew what he would find. He recognized the dark hair, the archer’s glove, the blue hood and long leather coat—Fili thought he would be sick as he finally managed to roll the body over.

                Kili. His brother’s face was pale, eyes closed and eyelashes dark against his white cheek. Fili buried his face in Kili’s unmoving chest and sobbed, his body shuddering with the force of his grief. Kili did not move to comfort him, his brother’s arms did not encircle him as he wept—Kili was gone, his spirit fled to the Halls of Waiting.

                Fili screamed into the night, overtaken by grief which went beyond madness. His brother was dead, his body cold. Blood was smeared on the side of Kili’s neck, the crimson stark against the pale skin. Vicious puncture wounds marred the otherwise perfect skin and Fili’s stomach roiled at the ugly defilement of Kili’s harsh beauty.

                He’s still not sure of how he got the body back to the stronghold of Ered Luin, returning to the cool stone of the mountain halls, stumbling and limping underneath the burden of Kili’s death and his own failure. Screams and wails greeted him as he numbly walked into the main hall; Kili had been well-loved by all. Hands grasped at him, seeking to take Kili away from him but Fili flinched away from their touch, pulling Kili’s body closer to him.

                One pair of hands was more insistent than all the others, to the point where Fili snarled in warning, his arms tightening around the body. It was only until those hands gripped his shoulders that he  blinked and looked into the grief-stricken blue eyes of his uncle.

                “Fili, you can let him go now, it’s fine, let him go…” As he spoke, low and soothing, Thorin’s hands gently pried Fili’s grip on his baby brother loose until Kili lay, limp and unmoving, in Thorin’s grasp.

                The sight of Kili, cradled in Thorin’s arms, his hand flopping down to dangle brokenly, finally broke Fili. He dropped to his knees, wailing as Thorin carried Kili away from him, through the crowds which gathered. Gentle hands touched Fili’s shoulders, pressed a glass into his hands.

                “Drink this, you’ll feel better,” a soft voice urged him. Unthinking, Fili gulped the bitter tasting liquid down. Within moments blackness threatened the edges of his vision and Fili whimpered as his limbs grew heavy with drugged exhaustion. He slumped backwards into the waiting arms, small tremors running through his body as he remembered Kili’s cold skin, the face slack in death… _in death_ …

                With a final, tiny sob, Fili slipped into merciful darkness.

 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

                The sound of a door slowly creaking open drags Fili up from his drugged slumber. His senses are hazy and his mind is slow to respond but when it does he listens intently to the slow drag of feet along the stone floor. As if in response to his sudden wakefulness, all sounds stop, until only his soft, rapid breaths echo through the room.

                Fili inches his hand towards the knife he keeps underneath his pillow, eyes scanning the room for any hint of movement. Nothing. His fingers brush the cool metal of his knife hilt and that’s when the storm breaks.

                He’s not sure what creature’s attacking him, only that it’s relentless and overpowering. Fili’s hand gropes for the knife and he manages to seize it before he’s yanked to the floor. He blindly strikes out with the knife, just before an iron grip closes around his wrist. His hand is slammed against the stone floor until, without his permission, his fingers open. The knife skitters across the floor, lost in the dark void of the night.

                Fili tries to strike out with his free hand, only to have it pinned in the same relentless grip which already holds his other arm. He tries to roll in order to free himself but a heavy weight sits on his chest, making any movement impossible. Sudden hard pressure lands on his elbows and no matter how much Fili jerks against the restraints, he’s unable to free himself.

 A yell bubbles in his throat, only to be smothered as his nose and mouth are covered by what feels like a cold blanket. Fili wildly thrashes, all of the training pounded into his head by Dwalin gone in his struggle for life and freedom. Finally, there comes a noise from his attacker—a low growl, like the snarl of a cornered wolf. Icy fear settles in the pit of Fili’s stomach as his head is wrenched to the side, exposing the long line of his neck.

He feels like there should be more pain when the two white-hot pinpricks sink into the sinewy flesh of his neck. Instead, there’s only a languid sort of lethargy which makes him feel like he’s floating high above the rest of the world, looking down on his helpless body from the ceiling. A scream dies against the steely hand still clamped over his mouth, more because Fili feels like he should at least protest than because he’s in pain.

It hurts when the fangs—it has to be fangs, there’s nothing else it could be—rip away from his skin. It feels like they tear an essential part of himself away when they leave, and Fili keens in pain. Hot, viscous liquid runs down his neck to pool in the hollow of his collarbone.

Fili didn’t think that anything could be more horrifying than being attacked and savaged in his own bedroom, but the chill touch which runs over his skin is more terrifying than even the fangs splitting his skin. It’s deceptively gentle and Fili trembles at the sensation.

“Fili?”

Fili’s eyes widen at the small, shaking voice which calls his name and his body flails. The heavy weight disappears off his chest and Fili’s feet churn on the stone, propelling him backwards. He only stops when his back comes into contact with the rough stone wall.

“Fili? Fee?” Unerringly, that cold touch returns to ghost over his face and Fili shudders at the unreal aspect to it. He bats at the darkness as he tries to defend himself from an unseen foe which sees him all too well. Once more, his wrists are trapped and though Fili struggles, he cannot jerk free. “Stop it Fee, it’s me, can’t you see?”

He recognizes the tiny, frightened voice which calls his name, how could he not? He’s heard that voice almost his whole life, calling his name, sometimes in laughter, sometimes in anger but always, always with love…Impossible. His mind ruthlessly savages the frail hope in his chest. He saw the body, he felt the cold stiffness of the limbs as he carried his brother home.

“Fili, please look at me, I don’t know what’s going on and you’re hurt, please just look at me…”

“Can’t,” Fili finally rasps, his voice hoarse with emotion and abuse. “Can’t see…too dark…”

“What are you…I can see you fine…” His wrists are released and fall limply into his lap. Uncanny silence falls once more, only broken by the harsh scrape of a match being struck. Fili winces as his pupils rapidly contract but he forces himself to stare into the face revealed by the flickering candlelight.

Impossible, is his only thought as Kili gingerly sets the candle down on the table and returns to where he remains huddled against the wall. He saw the wounds…he saw Kili…He’s seen death enough times to recognize it, his little brother was dead in his arms…

Fury and fear rage within him and Fili snarls as he surges upward, intent only on destroying this, this… _creature,_ who dared to wear Kili’s face, who dared to mock something as precious as his baby brother…

He’s always been the better fighter of the two of them—his age makes the outcome of the competition a given, no matter how relentlessly Kili trains to try to catch up. It’s why he’s surprised when the monster wearing the mask of his brother seizes his upper arms and slams him down into the ground, snarling in his face. Black eyes, devoid of any emotion stare down at him and though Fili has known fear before, it’s never taken this sick, twisted spiral downwards, intertwined with rage and grief. Even as he spits in fury, Fili inwardly shudders to see the gleaming white fangs just barely visible in the animalistic twist of Kili’s lips. He looks closer and feels as though he might vomit to see a single smear of scarlet staining one of the long, ivory spikes.

Then, faster than the eye could blink, the savageness disappears, and Kili’s familiar brown eyes, clouded with worry and confusion look down at him. “Fee…Fili? What’s happening? I don’t know…what’s going on?” Kili sounds close to tears and even though Fili knows that it’s nothing more than a ploy to make him inattentive, he still feels the aching burn of protectiveness, which makes his little brother’s tears anathema to him.

“Stop,” Fili says as he tries to summon the rage which had possessed him only moments ago. Kili’s eyes only well more at his harsh tone and Fili’s resolve only slips further.

“Please Fili…I don’t know what’s happening to me…” Even as Fili watches black tints the white of Kili’s eyes, spreading like ink across a blank piece of parchment. Kili blinks and it disappears as cold hands paw at his chest. After he’d had a nightmare, Kili used to climb into his bed and grope at his sleep relaxed body until, with a groan, Fili would lift up the blanket and Kili would curl up next to him. The motions are repeated here, more frantic, as Kili’s fearful eyes look at him.

Fili moves to push himself up into a sitting position and Kili…the creature wearing Kili’s face, it _cannot_ be his brother—does not stop him. Kili does crawl back into his lap once he’s upright and clings desperately to his shoulders as he pushes his nose into Fili’s neck. Cold seems to emanate from Kili’s body, even though he’s still wearing the same clothes that he was on their ill-fated hunting trip.

Fili slides a shaking hand up Kili’s shoulder so that his thumb presses just below the hinge of his jaw. No pulse beats beneath his touch and Fili shakes within the false embrace. He’d hoped…Mahal damn him, but he’d hoped so hard…The monster senses the revival of Fili’s grief and presses himself closer, whimpering in Kili’s voice.

“What’s wrong Fee? I don’t…I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s happening…”

“You’re not Kili,” Fili whispers, his voice harsh and grating to his own ears. He tries to free himself but Kili only clings tighter. “I don’t know what you are or what you want, but you’re not my brother. He’s _dead,”_ Fili spits, his own self-hatred and grief reflected in the awful truth.

The monster draws back with a gasp and horrified brown eyes meet his. “How could you say that?” Oh, it has the inflections right, every little aspect of Kili is perfect, down to the little tremble of the lower lip…It’s a struggle to remind himself of the cold, marble skin against his fingers, the heavy weight of unresisting flesh in his arms…How Kili’s limbs would have been arranged as he was prepared for lying in state.

“Kili is _dead,”_ Fili repeats and the shaking hand which was reaching out towards him retreats. “He’s _dead_ and it’s my fault…”

It hits him then, the full burden of his grief and Fili starts to shake, forgetting even the creature sitting next to him. Tears fall, faster and faster, and can he really be blamed for leaning into the comfort which his brother’s embrace provides him, even if it is only a filthy lie? Kili’s arms gently encircle his shoulders, pulling his face down until he leans against a solid chest.

The torso underneath his cheek remains uncannily still and Fili tries to jerk away. Kili’s arms have always possessed strength but now, they have become little less than steel manacles, keeping him captive. Fili wriggles in an attempt to slip the grip but he stops at the sound of Kili’s soft voice, rough with emotion.

“Remember when we were dwarrows and I broke your favorite practice sword?” Fili closes his eyes against the pain that the remembrance of the occasion brings. “You were so furious…” Kili huffs out a small laugh. Fili chews on the vulnerable flesh of his lower lip but he’s unable to stop himself from interrupting.

“I said that you were so horrible I wished I didn’t have a brother at all.” Kili’s arms tighten around him and Fili relaxes into his touch. This is something he doesn’t understand, something that no amount of Balin’s tutelage could have prepared him for but Kili’s voice, Kili’s words—it’s incomprehensible to Fili but he’ll cling to any little piece of Kili that he can.

“Remember what I did next?” Kili asks, his sharp chin digging into the top of Fili’s head. Fili nods his head but waits, wanting Kili to fill in the gaps. Kili understands, has always understood what he wanted. “I snuck into Uncle’s room and stole his sword—“

“That sword was twice the size of you,” Fili interjects, his heart twisting as he remembered how ridiculous Kili had looked, their uncle’s sword propped on his head as he dragged it into their shared room, the scabbard scraping along the ground. Kili had been red-faced and panting with exertion as he’d crawled up onto the bed where his older brother had been sulking and he’d said that Fili could be happy with him again, because he’d found him a _new_ sword, a _better_ sword…

“Uncle was so furious…”Kili’s voice trails off and before he understands what’s happening, Fili’s arms wrap around Kili’s waist and he pulls their bodies close together. “Fili…”

“I don’t understand,” Fili confesses into Kili’s shoulder. The clothes smell the same as before, just a little musty from being in the cold, empty air of the feasting hall, but Kili’s scent, the one which reminds Fili of summer and sunlight, of _life…_ That’s changed, gone.

“I don’t…I remember you got up and went away from the fire…and then it was just dark…” Kili starts to shake and this time it’s Fili who pulls his brother’s slender body into his arms, Kili easily folding into his embrace. “I heard you screaming and I tried to find you, I tried to get back to you but I couldn’t…And it _hurt,_ Fili, it _hurt…”_

Kili presses his face into the crook of Fili’s neck, his nose urgently pushing into the taut skin. Fili shivers, both in trepidation and swiftly suppressed flash of unholy lust as Kili’s lips brush against the base of his neck, where the sinewy muscle connects to his shoulder. Damp chill touches his skin and with a sick thrill of horror and desire, Fili realizes that the faint painful tingle in his neck is being caused by Kili’s teeth scraping against his skin. The sound which seeps through his lips is half whimper, half moan, and entirely shameful.

Kili rears back, fingers clutching painfully at Fili’s shoulders. The worried twist of Kili’s eyebrows only makes his black eyes look that much more inhuman and when his lips part in a terrified pant, Fili shudders at the sight of his brother’s lengthened and sharpened canines.

“Fili, what’s happening to me?” Within a heartbeat, Kili’s eyes change back into their normal dark brown, the surface glistening with fearful tears.

“I don’t know.” Fili admits as he buries his face in his brother’s soft dark hair. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

                The silence hangs between them, heavy and uncomfortable, until Kili breaks it. “I’m scared, Fee.”

                “You’ll be all right,” Fili automatically comforts, even though logic says that Kili is not _all right—_ something has happened which Fili has no ready explanation for and all he can cling to is the certainty that his brother is still _Kili_ underneath everything, still the playful, caring dwarf that he’s always been, still the younger brother that Fili loves more than anything else in the world, more than words will ever say…

                “Love you,” Kili whispers, his voice almost lost against the fabric of Fili’s shirt.

                “I love you too,” Fili returns, the familiar words twisting in his chest. He holds Kili through the rest of the night, until he can almost swear that Kili’s chilled skin takes on some of his warmth.

 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

                _Vampire,_ is Balin’s grief-stricken pronunciation the next morning.

                Fili stands behind Kili and at the naming of his brother’s doom, his fingers dig into Kili’s shoulders. Kili doesn’t even blink, just stares at Balin with wide eyes that suddenly look much too old. Their mother sobs dryly and Thorin puts his arm around her, face unreadable. Fili tightens his grip on Kili, wanting his brother to know that even though Balin has said the impossible, he will still support Kili, will still love him.

                “What does that mean?” Kili finally asks as he twists his hands in his lap.

                Balin closes his eyes before speaking. “The vampires were part of the Enemy’s armies—they spread across the land, draining the life out of their victims and leaving them bloodless. Those they deemed…worthy…they would _turn,_ condemning their creations to a half-life, always having to feed off of another to sustain their own life.”

                “I have to…You mean I’ll have to…”

                “Blood is the only form of sustenance your body will accept,” Balin says, his dark eyes sorrowful. He doesn’t flinch as he lays a kindly hand on Kili’s shoulder and Fili is inordinately grateful for the small gesture of kindness.

                “No,” their mother finally gasps, shaking her head in firm denial, even as Thorin’s face hardens into stone. “Please…say that it isn’t so…”

                “My lady,” Balin gravely addresses her. “You know that it is. You saw him when Fili brought him back—I suspected even then when I saw the particular wound on his neck,” Fili absently runs his finger over the deep puncture marks marring Kili’s otherwise perfectly smooth skin, “but after last night it’s certain.”

                “What do I…what do I do?” Kili sounds painfully lost, like a child thrown into a grown-up’s game without knowing any of the rules.

                “You continue,” Balin tells him. “I’m sure that we’ll discover any particulars about your ah…dietary requirements, as time goes on. Avoid direct sunlight if at all possible—after a short time underneath the sun’s rays, you’ll start to become quite uncomfortable.”

                “What happens when I need to eat?” Kili stubbornly insists. For the first time, Balin’s eyes flicker in doubt and perhaps even fear.

                “You find an animal and drain it,” Thorin gruffly orders, speaking for the first time. “Kili. You must understand…You must never, _never_ attack any dwarf. If you do, you will be branded a monster and I will be powerless to save you.”

                “He wouldn’t!” Fili immediately springs to his brother’s defense, hating the way that Kili’s shoulders trembled underneath his hands at their uncle’s words.  “Kili would _never_ hurt someone!”

                “Don’t be so sure,” Thorin comments, his face dark and severe. “There are tales, of those who have been turned, devouring their whole families in the throes of a vicious hunger.”

                As Thorin speaks Kili jerks away from Fili’s touch, leaving Fili’s hands hanging in open air. Fili looks at the defeated slump of Kili’s shoulders as his little brother curls in on himself. “Do you understand Kili?” Thorin asks and Fili bristles. Doesn’t Thorin see that Kili’s already hurting enough? Does he really have to interrogate and intimidate Kili now, when his brother’s lower than he’s ever been? Kili’s always been a little terrified of their uncle and this wouldn’t make it any better.

                Kili raises his head and looks Thorin directly in the eyes and Fili thinks that perhaps more has changed to Kili than he knew. From his position behind Kili, Fili’s unable to see the expression on his sibling’s face but it’s enough to make Thorin take half a step backwards.

                “I understood you perfectly, _uncle_.” Kili’s voice is a low growl which Fili has only heard once before—last night when Kili was pinning him to the ground, no hint of his brother left within those fathomless black eyes.

                After a moment passes Thorin recuperates and holds his ground. Fili watches the furrow between his uncle’s eyebrows deepen as he tries to pin Kili down with the glare which has always thrown his youngest nephew into spasms of terror. Now…Kili stands, his movements predatorily fluid and takes a step forward, until he’s less than an arm’s length from the King Under the Mountain.

                “Be careful Kili,” Thorin whispers, but Fili thinks he can detect a hint of fear in the normally strong voice. “I can’t protect you.”

                “You don’t have to,” Kili answers, the deadly warning rumbling through his voice all but erasing any hint of his normally cheery tenor. Kili holds Thorin’s stare for a moment longer before he turns on his heel and starts a slow stalk out of the room. When Kili draws even with him Fili reaches out a hand and grabs his brother’s elbow. The cold of Kili’s skin almost burns the pads of his fingers.

                “It’s fine Fili,” Kili says as he darts his eyes towards Fili’s face. At the sight of Kili’s eyes, the whites still streaked with black, Fili draws in a harsh breath but he does not release his hold on Kili.

                “Kili…” Kili glances at his face, furtive guilt crossing his features, before he continues out the room. Fili watches the empty door before he turns back towards his uncle.

                “Did you have to do that to him? Do you even understand what he’s going through?”

                “Do you?” Thorin asks bluntly. He advances on Fili, who holds his ground, even through his uncle’s eyes are stormy with anger.  “Do you understand what’s happened to him?”

                “He got attacked. It’s not his fault, he didn’t want it to happen…It’s my fault he got attacked, if you want to blame someone then you should blame me,” Fili protests.

                “I don’t blame Kili,” Thorin says and Fili finally sees the grief on Thorin’s face. “He doesn’t deserve any of what’s happening to him. But you must understand Fili…he’s not the same brother that you had. You mustn’t treat him as such.”

                “It’s Kili,” Fili insists, cold fear curling around his heart as he remembers how Kili clung to him, the chill of his skin in jarring contrast to the heat of his own. “He wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

                “You must stop thinking that way. He may look like your brother but he’s not. Think of him more as an untamed wolf—he’s liable to strike out at any moment.”

                “He’s not an animal!”

                “He’s not your brother either!” Thorin’s eyes flash and the words hang in the air before shattering into Fili’s mind. To his credit, Thorin at least looks troubled by his outburst. “Fili…Thinking of Kili as harmless will only lead to people getting hurt. You must watch him and make sure that he always maintains his control…Fili, if he ever attacks another dwarf—they will tear him apart and my nephew or not, I will be unable to stop them.”

                “It’s still Kili,” Fili tries, hoping to change the resigned look in Thorin’s eyes. Nothing will ever convince him that Kili is anything less than the brother he grew up with, the laughing toddler who followed his every step, the brash youth who challenged the world, the occasionally quiet man who knew Fili better than anyone ever could. His brother. His love.

                Thorin shakes his head and Fili knows that there will never be any change; that in Thorin’s mind, Kili died in that dark, tangled forest. “Not anymore.”

 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

                Kili becomes Fili’s sole mission in life.

                Fili dedicates himself to being his brother’s shadow, keeping track of his every movement, even when Kili tries his best to evade him. Fili neglects his duties at the forge and his lessons with Balin, even his training with Dwalin takes second priority, lost in his guardianship over Kili.

                Perhaps it’s because Fili’s continuously watching Kili but he doesn’t notice the change in his little brother—how Kili slowly becomes more and more lethargic, how his brother drags through the simplest tasks. Kili’s face becomes even sharper and more angular, his skin waxen, dark stubble standing out starkly against the milky color.

                It’s Thorin who brings the matter to Fili’s attention after dinner one night. Only Fili, Thorin and Dis sit at the table—Kili had claimed exhaustion and had already retired to bed. Fili quickly finishes his dinner and retreats to the kitchen to wash his plate. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t erase the shuttered look from Kili’s eyes and he was anxious to check on him. He’s so caught up in his own concerns over Kili that he doesn’t notice Thorin standing behind him until he speaks.

                “He’s not feeding.”

                Fili startles, the warm soapy cloth in his hand sweeping erratically over the plate. “He’s been eating,” Fili replies, carefully setting the plate down and facing Thorin. “I’ve seen…I know he’s been eating.”

                He’d followed Kili into the woods, trailing several hundred yards behind his surprisingly hard to pin brother. He’d watched as Kili had seized a still struggling rabbit, its small feet beating futilely at Kili’s hands. As Fili had watched, his own heart thudding unevenly  in his chest, Kili had brought the rabbit to his mouth. The gleam of Kili’s canines, lengthened into what could only be called fangs, had shone in the twilight of the forest, just before his baby brother sunk them into the squirming body.

                It had only taken fifty of his heartbeats for Kili to drain the rabbit. After it was done Kili dropped the body in disgust. His eyes, still tinted black, had searched through the darkness and Fili had clung closer to the tree trunk, deflating in relief as Kili’s eyes passed him over. Blood dripped down his chin and Kili carefully wiped his chin with his hand, sucking his fingers clean of any of the thick crimson liquid.

                Fili had retreated, knowing that Kili would be furious to know that Fili had seen him feeding, and waited for his brother at the fringes of the forest. Kili had appeared minutes later, still scrubbing at his chin. Fili had seen the little flecks of blood clinging to his brother’s pale skin and his heart had ached at the weary little smile that Kili had given him—changed, yes, different with a weight which hadn’t been present before but still, undeniably _Kili._

                “Are you positive? He shouldn’t be this weak if he’s been feeding regularly.”

                “He’s been eating,” Fili repeats.

                Thorin does not look fully convinced, as the frown-lines on his forehead deepen in thought. “Watch him,” his uncle finally commands. “If you’re right then there shouldn’t be any problem. But if you’re wrong and he is getting weaker…It could make him desperate. And that’ll make him dangerous.”

                “It’s _Kili,_ ” Fili says once more, willing Thorin to understand. Thorin simply stares at him, the light blue eyes expressionless. Fili is the first to look away.

                That night, with Thorin’s words still echoing in his ears, Fili gingerly slides into the chambers he still shares with Kili. His brother lies in his bed, face down into the pillows, his dark hair splayed across the white fabric. Fili watches him and discomfort squirms in his abdomen as he realizes that he’s still missing the movement of Kili’s regular breathing. He forgets sometimes, watching Kili move and laugh, that his brother is technically dead. When Kili sleeps however, it’s plain to see.

                Fili’s heart twists as he drags a finger down the line of Kili’s shoulder. At the touch, Kili stirs and cranes his head towards Fili, his eyes cracking open a fraction. “You need something?”

                “I was worried about you. You didn’t join us at the evening meal.”

                “No point in me going down there. Just make everyone uncomfortable.”

                “That’s not true,” Fili protests as he sits on the edge of Kili’s bed. He twirls a lock of Kili’s dark hair around his finger, tugging when Kili’s eyes drift closed. “We just want to see you, make sure you’re all right.”

                “You mean make sure that I’m not out feeding from anyone,” Kili sharply corrects. He lifts his head from the bed and for the first time Fili notices the huge purple circles under Kili’s eyes and how drawn Kili’s features have become. Kili’s shoulders tremble, like the effort of holding his head up is too much for him.

                “Kili, would you stop talking like that?” Fili snaps. He rolls Kili onto his back, even though Kili squirms in his grip. It worries Fili as he remembers the easy way that Kili threw him around the first night—and now his brother seems too weak to fight even his light grasp.

                “I hear them.” Kili’s voice is flat and he refuses to meet Fili’s eyes when he speaks. “They don’t think that I can hear them but I can hear practically everything…I can hear your heartbeat,” he adds, quirking an eyebrow upwards.

                “Thorin thinks that it’s only a matter of time before I lose control and start feeding off of dwarves. He’s…he’s started putting measures in place to stop me when that happens.”

                “Kili!” Without thinking Fili drags his little brother into a rough embrace, his arms wrapping around the body which seems somehow frailer. “Don’t ever say that…I won’t ever let anything happen to you, I promise.”

                “You can’t protect me anymore Fee,” Kili whispers and Fili shivers as his brother’s lip move against the sensitive skin of his neck.

                “You’re my brother,” Fili murmurs, his eyes fluttering closed as Kili’s lips press firmly against the curve of his neck, where tough sinews met softened flesh. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.”

                “Fili…” Kili’s blunted teeth press into Fili’s neck. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold myself back…I can feel it, every second of the day…it’s like having the most wonderful feast in front of me and I have to stop from all of it…I don’t want to hurt anyone Fili, I don’t want to _want_ any of this or _need_ any of it, I just want to be normal…”

                Kili’s teeth gently bite down on his neck and Fili bites back a moan as the sensation shoots through his body and into his groin. “Your heart’s beating faster,” Kili observes, and Fili huffs out a helpless laugh.

                “I know,” Fili shakily replies, fingers clutching at Kili. Cold wetness touches his skin, in direct counterpoint to the heat he feels pulsing through his body. A shudder shakes his body and Kili pulls his mouth away from Fili’s neck with a weak laugh.

                “Sorry,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around Fili’s waist in a loose hug. Fili shifts underneath the touch and hates himself for wishing that Kili hadn’t stopped. “I just… _Gods,_ Fee…I don’t want to be this thing, I don’t want to be able to _smell_ you but I can…I can see your pulse and hear your heart and I think…I _want_ …”

                “Kili…have you been eating?”

                “Yes,” Kili snarls, sudden fury radiating off of his body. Fili almost pulls away but stops because of the faint note of shame he detects, humming just underneath the surface of the anger in Kili’s voice.

                “Kili…”

                “I go hunting every day and I find some animal to drain and I eat and it’s enough but it’s not…It was like when you wanted the sweet rolls that Mother would make and all you got was just a crust of a biscuit…It’s not _good_ and I know what would be good, but I don’t want to, I’m not a monster like everyone thinks I am…”

                Kili would continue but Fili crushes his face into his shoulder, fingers tangling in the soft dark hair to keep his brother’s head immobile against his body. “You’re not a monster,” Fili whispers fiercely into the top of Kili’s head. “You’re my brother and I love you. You’re the best archer in the whole Blue Mountains and you can always make our uncle laugh. You’re not a monster.”

                “I don’t know what I am,” Kili whimpers, feebly pulling against Fili’s hold. “But I’m not…Fili, I’m not who I used to be anymore…”

                “But I still love you,” Fili promises, rocking back and forth with Kili in his arms. “I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

                Kili quiets at his words though his fingers still retain their relentless hold on Fili’s shoulders. Fili shivers as he ponders Kili’s words—part of the missing puzzle falls into place and Fili almost wishes that it hadn’t. “You’ve been eating all this time…” Fili begins, not missing the way that Kili stiffens in his arms and tries to pull away. Kili’s unable to break his hold and Fili frowns at the further evidence of Kili’s deterioration. “If you’ve been eating…” The last piece falls into place. “Oh Kili…It’s not enough is it?”

                Kili remains silent but Fili’s positive that he’s right. Obviously animal blood isn’t quite enough to completely sustain and nourish Kili—his brother’s been hunting every day yet he’s still fading away. Kili needs something richer… _I don’t want to be a monster…_

                “I’ll be fine,” Kili finally mumbles.

                “Kili…” Fili sucks in a deep breath through his nose. “You need something more than animal blood. You’re weakening—Thorin sees it and I can see it. How much longer can you go on like this?”

                “Fili, stop,” Kili warns, a hint of the deadly anger creeping back into his voice. “Don’t…just shut up.”

                “Kili, I know what you’re going through—“

                “No, you don’t!” Kili finally struggles free of Fili’s hold, pushing him so hard that Fili’s back hits the bed. Kili stumbles off of the bed, arms hugging his middle as he paces around the room. “You have no fucking clue…”

                Fili doesn’t even register Kili moving. He only realizes that he has once Kili sits on top of him, legs straddling his waist and hands gripping his shoulders. Fili swallows hard, knowing that Kili can hear the rapid beating of his heart. Kili’s black eyes look down at him and his lips lift slightly in a snarl.

                “Every time I’m close to you, all I can hear is your blood rushing through your veins, all I can see is where the veins come close to the skin…Every time I look at you Fili all I want to do is _feed_ and if I do that then I’ll become exactly what Thorin said that I would… _Mahal_ Fili, I can’t…I can’t…”

                “Do it,” Fili murmurs. His heart pounds once, achingly hard, against his sternum before it settles into a slow rhythm. Kili’s fingers spasm on his shoulders and for a second, before Kili manages to control himself, Fili sees it on his brother’s face—the desire, the fear, the love, but most of all, the _hunger,_ the consuming, ravenous _hunger…_

                “Fili…don’t you dare…” Kili’s fingers tremble but in contrast Fili’s never felt calmer. Finally, for the first time since he saw Kili taken from him, he knows exactly how to help his little brother, knows exactly what he needs. Even when Kili’s eyes blacken and fangs slip down to his lower lip, Fili feels no fear. He trusts Kili, has always trusted Kili to protect him, and now is no different.

                “You need something more than animal blood.” Fili reaches up and wraps his fingers around Kili’s wrists. “Please Kili…let me help you…I can’t—I can’t lose you twice.” Fili’s voice finally breaks on the last admission and Kili’s mouth opens in an airless gasp. “Please Kili, this is the only thing I can do to help you.”

                “No, no, no,” Kili whimpers helplessly. “I’m going to hurt you…Fili, please, don’t tempt me!”

                “It’ll be fine,” Fili soothes, running his thumb over the point of one of Kili’s fangs. Kili’s tongue reaches out to skate over his skin and with an effort Fili represses the shiver of lust which runs through his body. “I trust you.”

                Kili furiously shakes his head in repeated denial and Fili takes advantage of his brother’s inattention to slide his foot closer to his hand. Kili hisses as his fingers brush the hilt of the knife hidden in his boot, hands clawing for the weapon—but the deed is already done. Bright pain slices across the meat of his arm just below the elbow and Fili lets the knife fall from his hand to clatter on the floor. The cut is deep and blood immediately starts to trickle down towards his fingers.

                Kili moans and Fili’s eyes close in response to the sound. He opens them almost immediately afterwards to find Kili’s black eyes staring longingly at the stark crimson winding its way down Fili’s arm. “Fee…” Kili whimpers, his lips sporadically rising to reveal his gleaming white fangs.

                “You need it,” Fili insists as he sits up. Kili remains in his lap, his arms wrapped around his own torso as his eyes remain fixated on the slow dribble of blood down Fili’s arm. “Do it Kili.”

                “No!” Kili’s denial tries valiantly to sound forceful but there’s a high pitched plea hidden in the refusal. Even though his eyes have blackened and his fangs lengthened, Kili still retains his stranglehold on the beast within. As long as Kili refuses his own dark wishes, he will not feed and continue to weaken. Fili knows what he must do, even though he inwardly cringes at the notion.

                Before he has a chance to falter, Fili swings an open palm at Kili’s head and strikes his brother with a solid blow to the ear. Kili snarls in pain and anger, lips lifting fully to reveal his fangs. Fili doesn’t hesitate before he follows the first blow with an ungentle punch to just underneath Kili’s ribs. Pain, not lasting damage, is his goal.

                “Fili…” His own name is almost unrecognizable in Kili’s low, warning growl. “Fili… _stop…”_

                Fili bites his lower lip as he slaps Kili with such force that his brother’s head whips to the side. A vicious, inhuman rumble sounds from his brother’s chest and when black eyes finally glare at him through the tangle of Kili’s hair, not a trace of his brother, his love, is left. Fili’s satisfied.

                “Go on then,” he whispers, offering his arm.

                With a sound that is half snarl, half keen and all desperation, Kili launches forward, propelling Fili onto his back. His hands wrap around Fili’s forearm and bicep as he drags the wounded limb to his mouth. Kili’s lips close over the source of the hot, crimson blood which still flows from the cut. Cold suction strikes Fili’s arm just before he feels the unsettling, yet familiar, sensation of the dual pinpricks easily sliding into his flesh. After just a moment, Fili’s head falls backward, eyes staring helplessly at the ceiling before they close of their own accord.

                He wishes he could control the beating of his heart—he thinks it might shatter with how fast it’s racing. Kili growls, the sound more satisfied than angry, and Fili squirms at the uncomfortable feeling the sound sends through him. His mouth falls open as Kili’s tongue laps at his skin. Teeth close on either side of the wound, forcing more blood to the surface and Fili moans. He doesn’t recognize the high, needy sound which escapes his own throat but a hard tug from Kili’s mouth on his skin creates a lower note to the sound.

A sharp pull has Fili craning his spinning head up to look down the length of his arm. The sight of Kili’s dark head, lowered over his forearm, makes him wonder what Kili would look like between his legs, looking up at him through the jagged curtain of his long bangs just before he turned his attention back—Fili moans, hips uselessly shifting on the bed as lightning bolts of lust dance through his blood. Kili’s teeth bite down harder, almost like he’s responding to the unholy thoughts churning in his head.

                Kili’s moan reverberates through Fili’s body, curling around his heart and squeezing hard. Fili keens in response, his fist clenching and unclenching as he unconsciously pumps even more blood into Kili’s waiting mouth. He’s so dizzy and needy—he’s not even hard and yet he can’t recall a time when he was more aroused than he is now, with Kili’s teeth sunk into his flesh, his brother drawing his sustenance from his life-blood. For as long as he can remember, he’s wanted to be Kili’s everything and now, with his blood dribbling out of the corner of Kili’s lips, he’s finally achieved his dream.

                Fili whines in disappointment as Kili finally pulls away. The whine changes into a whimper as the tip of Kili’s tongue presses hard against the puncture and knife wounds, stopping the blood flow. His eyes are tightly closed, his arm still held in Kili’s grasp as his brother painstakingly cleans any traces of crimson from his skin. Even under the circumstances he can’t help but feel Kili’s love, as Kili dabs away the slow leaking blood with his tongue.

                “Fili, are you all right?” Kili’s voice is concerned but stronger than it has been in days and underneath the lust throbbing in his blood, Fili’s happy that at least he could do this, this one small act, for his brother. “Fili, talk to me!”

                “’m…’m fine,” Fili finally slurs, taking extra care shaping his words. He opens hazy eyes and blinks Kili’s face into focus. He smiles at the deep pools of brown looking down at him. “Stop worryin’,” he orders lazily. With a gargantuan effort he manages to touch Kili’s stubbled cheek.

                Kili looks better than he has in weeks—if he couldn’t feel the coolness of the skin underneath his palm then Fili would swear that his brother was as healthy as the next dwarf. Kili closes his eyes, shoulders slumping in relief. Fili grins stupidly as Kili presses soft kisses to the pads of his fingers and his calloused palm.

                “Thank Mahal,” Kili whispers fervently, “thank you… _gods,_ I was so worried Fili…”

                “‘cmere,” Fili petulantly commands, feebly tugging a strand of Kili’s hair to pull his brother’s face down to his. Kili obeys, leaning down close to his face.

                To his dying day, Fili’s never sure how their lips end up slotted against each other’s, Kili making a high surprised noise which Fili eagerly swallows. All of his earlier worries seem to be vanished until all that’s left is his own desperate hunger. Fili channels what remains of his energy into moving his lips against Kili’s, humming in satisfaction when Kili tilts his head, fitting their mouths together neatly. He keeps some of Kili’s hair wound around his fingers in case his brother shows signs of leaving but Kili seems content to stay, nudging Fili’s legs to open so that he can lay more comfortably between them.  

                Kili’s hand presses down on his chest, right above where his heart beats and Fili moans in approval. There are too many sensations for his already overloaded mind to comprehend—the slide of Kili’s lips against his, Kili’s blunted teeth nipping at his lower lip, Kili’s hand on the flat planes of his chest, Kili’s fingers tangled in his braids, Kili’s hips moving gently into his pelvis, the taste of copper in his mouth as Kili slides his tongue into his eager mouth.

                Fili gasps when Kili finally pulls away, his head spinning and his very fingertips tingling. He thinks that maybe he should be nervous—he’s just thrown away years of secrecy and hiding—but all he can feel is deep relief, mingled with the heady thrill of Kili still on his lips.

                “Fili,” Kili finally repeats, his hand hovering over his lips as he blinks down at him. There’s awe in his voice, as well as a good deal of affection and finally, finally, his face splits into the pure, joyful grin which lights Fili’s world. “Fili, you…you…”

                _“Come here,”_ Fili breathes, body limp against the blankets, and with a laugh, Kili obeys. 


End file.
